Comforting the grieving.

If you have ever not known what to say to someone when they are grieving I can now tell you from personal experience that the best thing you can do is say “I’m so sorry’ and then give them a big hug.

In the past I have tended to be one of the people who try to talk to a person who is grieving…saying things like….at least they didn’t suffer…..you’ll feel better in time etc… all those things that people say trying to bring comfort to the person.

I now know that you don’t want to hear all those well meant platitudes…the things that mean the most are the comfort received from a hug as you cry….the meal dropped around so you don’t have to think about food…..in our case the loan of a car so we could get up to see Dad in the hospital,out to redirect the mail and see the solicitor etc without having to organise lifts.

It’s the practical things that help most as you are so consumed by the things that need doing and the numbness of shock that its hard to cope with the little things.The messages left on your voicemail just letting you know that people love you and care and the cards and flowers help too but there’s nothing like the comfort of a hug from someone who cares.

‘Sometimes it’s better to put love into hugs than to put it into words‘. ~Author Unknown

‘You can’t wrap love in a box, but you can wrap a person in a hug’. ~Author Unknown

The exhaustion of Grief

The intense grief of the first week has subsided and I am now experiencing ‘flashback’ moments where memories of Mum surface at the oddest moments. I have found an intense need to tell people I am speaking to about what happened – fortunately everyone is very kind and listens to me with compassion and concern.

I have also discovered that you don’t need words from people…the best sympathy is to say how sorry you are and then to hug the person grieving….human comfort is what you REALLY need at this time of sorrow.

I guess the one thing I didn’t really realise would happen is the intense exhaustion I am experiencing. I shouldn’t be surprized really…while I was down at Mum and Dad’s as well as trying to organize the funeral and let everybody know who needed to be told, we were having to drive an hour each way to visit Dad in the hospital in Nowra from Mollymook, visit him, cry with, remember with and occaisonally laugh with each other. We also had to try and sort out legal stuff etc.

As soon as we found out that Mum had been killed in the accident I left to go down to join with my brother and sister at Mum and Dad’s. Dad is still in hospital after his knee replacement op and our first need to was to be with him and comfort and support him. John had to keep things going up here at the clinic until we knew when we could have the funeral and then he drove the 1300 kms in one day so he could be there.

After the funeral we stayed an extra day and then on Sunday drove back up to Qld -taking 2 days this time.Yesterday was the first day back at work where everything was in chaos as John had to try and manage without me here for a week…he was massaging, teaching the course and trying to take calls etc while dealing with his grief too.

Last night i could barely think straight and this morning I feel so weary but I know that it will get easier as time goes on.

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal. ~From a headstone in Ireland

Death and Grief

Hi Everyone
I have not updated my blog until today as on 19th Nov my dear Mum, Margaret Gordon, was killed in a car accident near Nowra in NSW. She was on her way home after visiting my father who had a double knee replacement the week before.

Needless to say this has been a horrendous experience for me and my family. Mum was a young 76 year old who lived her life to the full. She loved her Lord and her family and had a strong sense of responsibility to the world around her. She was always on the go- whether it be planning and going on the overseas or domestic trips that she and Dad had done since they retired, working in one of the many groups, commitees or organizations she was involved with or making the prize-winning hand made dolls etc she was famous for and sold at the Milton Markets.

Death is one of those things that we don’t like to think about….many of us do our best to avoid growing old these days and there are even a number of people who are in denial that one day they too will meet their Maker. However, regardless how we try to avoid it the truth is that we WILL die.

Grief comes from the fact that those of us left behind find it hard to realise that we will not see our loved one again on this earth. We also are very aware that we have usually left things unsaid or not shown how we really felt. I have been feeling sad that I took my wonderful Mum for granted and often saw the annoying things and didn’t appreciate the good as much as I should have.

Sudden death is awful as we don’t get the chance to say goodbye….to let the person know how important they are to us. I was trying to but could not contact Mum for a day and a half before she died, but  I am glad that the last thing I said to her was “I love you Mum”.

I know that as time goes on the intense grief that I am feeling now will fade and even though I will never forget her, in time I am sure that it won’t hurt as much as it does now. There will be times where I will feel sad that she isn’t here…. like when her first great grandchild will be born in June next year. I hope I will remember her often and be grateful that I had so many good times with her.

I would encourage you to make sure that you let those you love know it…don’t assume that they will always be there,  treasure the times you have together and make plenty of good memories that you will be able to carry with you for the rest of your lives.

Thank you Mum for all you did and were and gave. I am missing you xxxx

What is Stress?

We are all familiar with the word “stress”. Stress is when you are worried about getting laid off your job, or worried about having enough money to pay your bills, or worried about your mother when the doctor says she may need an operation. In fact, to most of us, stress is synonymous with worry. If it is something that makes you worry, then it is stress.

Your body, however, has a much broader definition of stress. TO YOUR BODY, STRESS IS SYNONYMOUS WITH CHANGE. Anything that causes a change in your life causes stress. It doesn’t matter if it is a “good” change, or a “bad” change, they are both stress. When you find your dream apartment and get ready to move, that is stress. If you break your leg, that is stress. Good or bad, if it is a CHANGE in your life, it is stress as far as your body is concerned.

Even IMAGINED CHANGE is stress. (Imagining changes is what we call “worrying”.) If you fear that you will not have enough money to pay your rent, that is stress. If you worry that you may get fired, that is stress. If you think that you may receive a promotion at work, that is also stress (even though this would be a good change). Whether the event is good or bad, imagining changes in your life is stressful.

*Anything that causes CHANGE IN YOUR DAILY ROUTINE is stressful.
*Anything that causes CHANGE IN YOUR BODY HEALTH is stressful.
*IMAGINED CHANGES are just as stressful as real changes.

If you have experienced a lot of stress within the last twelve months even with normal stress tolerance, you may be OVERSTRESSED. Some people get overstressed much easier than others.

OVERSTRESS will make you sick. Carrying too heavy a stress load is like running your car engine past the red line; or leaving your toaster stuck in the “on” position; or running a nuclear reactor past maximum permissible power. Sooner or later, something will break, burnup, or melt down.

What breaks depends on where the weak links are in your physical body. And this is largely an inherited characteristic.

Here are the common “weak links”, and the symptoms of their malfunction
*Brain OVERSTRESS
Fatigue, aches and pains, crying spells, depression, anxiety attacks, sleep disturbance.
*Gastrointestinal Tract
Ulcer, cramps and diarrhea, colitis, irritable bowel.
*Glandular System
Thyroid gland malfunction.
*Cardiovascular
High blood pressure, heart attack, abnormal heart beat, stroke.
*Skin
Itchy skin rashes.
*Immune System
Decreased resistance to infections and neoplasm.

We have known for a long time that OVERSTRESS could cause physical damage to the gastrointestinal tract, glandular system, skin or cardiovascular system. But only recently have we learned that OVERSTRESS actually causes physical changes in the brain. One of the most exciting medical advances of our decade has been an understanding of how OVERSTRESS physically affects your brain. We now know that the fatigue, aches and pains, crying spells, depression, anxiety attacks and sleep disturbances of OVERSTRESS are caused by brain CHEMICAL MALFUNCTION.

The above is a quote from Steve Burns MD.

Massage has been found to be extremely helpful in helping the mind and body to cope with stress and release the tension held in the body that leads to so many of these physical symptons. Raynor Massage is one of the best ways of releasing this tension.

Light drives out Darkness Love drives out hate

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

Have you ever been in total darkness? Years ago I visited Port Arthur in Tasmania….it was a penal settlement and the isolation cell was designed so that when you were in it there was a total absence of light….no matter how long you were in it your eyes would not adjust -there were no greys or patches of lighter dark…the dark was so intense that you could feel it.

Total darkness is terrifying and overpowering and yet the smallest amount of light drives it back. Light brings hope and absence of fear- it drives away the darkness and gladens the heart.

Hate is like that too. The only thing that can drive away hate is love. Not the selfish sort of love that seeks to tie to itself but that pure love that wants the best for the other.Love that builds up and encourages drives away hate and love like hate is contagious when spread.

‘Love has in it no element of fear; but perfect love drives away fear, because fear involves pain, and if a man gives way to fear, there is something imperfect in his love.’ 1 John 4:18

AWAKE

Don’t you hate it when you are really tired, you go to bed and lie down and sleep is just about to come ……and then it doesn’t.

You try lying on your side, switch to your back, then the other side. You get up and have a drink of water and then go back to bed and try again….your eyes are nearly falling out of your head and your body sinks into the bed…nearly there….and then nothing.You lie there trying not to disturb your peacefully slumbering (and snoring) partner. You change sides again…..BOTHER… I might as well get up and do something useful.

3 handmade cards later I decide to try again….by this time its 3.45am and we have to get up at 5.30am as we have a BNI meeting (Business Networking International-we belong to Australia’s largest and best group-Team Winning Edge) and OF COURSE I finally get to sleep…only to have to wake up an hour and a quarter later feeling like I have a hangover! I’ll have to have a warm bath before I go to bed tonight and put some lavender essential oil on a tissue inside my pillow. Mind you the way I feel at the moment I could happily put my head down on my desk and too bad about any clients or phone calls coming into the clinic this afternoon.

We are in the middle of the first week of the Raynor massage course here at the clinic and I will probably go to sleep on the massage table tonight while being practiced on by one of the lovely students.

Fortunately for me I don’t suffer from insomnia all the time. I have a bout once in a while and am so grateful when I finally get over it and get back to normal sleep patterns.

Hope you have been able to get the rest you need lately !!!

Speeding time

Is it just me or does time seem to be speeding up?
I remember when I was a child how long the days seemed. The weekends and holidays always seemed to slow down and I remember feeling lazy and relaxed in them. Summer holidays seemed to go on forever….plenty of time to play and read and sleep (although in our family a good sleep in was 8am)
As I get older time seems to whiz by.
I find that I am having trouble fitting things in around work…and I know that’s not good.
So my aim for the next week is to do some things OUT of work time…..this will be even harder than usual as we have a Raynor massage course starting on Sat and that is as well as the normal clinic hours.
I am determining to go on 3 walks along the beach this next 7 days….It is so beautiful and restorative to the soul….

Rememberance Day

Today is Rememberance Day here in Australia-the day which was initially set aside to remember all those who were killed in the First World War…a day to say WE WILL REMEMBER YOU….YOU DID NOT DIE IN VAIN…WE ARE GRATEFUL FOR THE SACRIFICES YOU MADE and the horrors you endured.

Rememberance Day in 2009 is not just to remember those from WW1. It is also to remember those who fought and died in all the other wars that our soldiers have been involved in.

Our son Luke is in the Australian Air Force and as parents we are grateful that so far he hasn’t had to serve in any of the wartorn areas of the world that other parents son’s and daughters are serving in. We are selfish…glad that our son is safe…but we also remember and support with our thoughts and prayers all those other children and parents….especially those who are grieving today.

We do not glorify war by remembering…. we do not revel in the horror of it….but we do remember those who left their families and homes, those who gave their utmost for the freedom they cherished and we are grateful.

A new week

Here we are at the start of a new working week for us here at The Chamomile Massage Therapy Centre.

On Saturday I left John working hard at the clinic while I went to Brisbane to a day giving info about the launch of the new skin care range containing ageLOC that has just been released in the US at the Nu Skin 25 year celebration. WOW…its very exciting and I am looking forward to being able to experience the amazing results that these revolutionary patented and scientifically verified products are giving.

We also caught up with a couple of friends over the weekend that we haven’t seen for a while and it was so lovely to see them- it is wonderful when you have friends that are like old comfy slippers-no disrespect intended to Jeff & Mon, and Jason . People that you can relax with and who you can just pick up where you left off with..no matter how long ago or recently that you caught up.

The next few weeks will be full on as we not only have the normal appointments but on Sat we start the next Raynor Technique massage class. These courses are very practical-hands on from the first day. John loves teaching people how to massage and  he’s very excited to have a new class of students work with. We always look forward to meeting the new students and getting to know them. Over the duration of the course we get to know most people pretty well and we nearly always find a great vibe develops. The following quote from Dale Carnegie is one that is very true and our massage classes fit right in with it.

‘Learning is an active process. We learn by doing….only knowledge that is used sticks in your mind’ – Dale Carnegie

Making a Life

“We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give.”~ Winston Churchill.

If we want a fulfilling and happy life we cannot be soley focused on ourselves. In any society or culture the need to make a living is there….in certain cultures it is as a hunter/gatherer, in other cultures it’s by tending a farm, in my country and culture it’s by going out to work to earn the money to provide the things we need and want.

It’s how to make a life that is the important question.

I can’t remember the exact quote but I read somewhere that someone’s mother used to say ‘when you’re feeling down go and do something for someone else-you’ll forget about yourself and your problems.’

We need to widen our outlook to trully make a fulfulling life- to not only be aware of those outside our own immediate family and friends but the wider world as well. As I mentioned in a previous post it’s not enough to just be aware, we need to take action as well.

Worth a try don’t you think?